Wednesday, May 4, 2016

Return of the Grapefruit

el regresso de la toronja los super reyes
you were probably expecting a Star Wars reference here instead
For those unaware of the climate in southern California, we basically have two seasons: Grapefruit Season, and Persimmon Season (if you ask anybody else, they won't know what you're talking about). What happens is, Earth's magnetic field tells all the grapefruit trees we need fruit by February, and tells all the persimmon trees we need fruit by November. This way we always have something to look forward to! (and oranges are available all year for some reason).  Now of course, persimmons aren't the only thing available in the fall, there's also pineapple guavas and stuff I mentioned in autumn harvest

grapefruit canopy
A Typical Grapefruit Canopy
squashy grapefruit
"I'd been selected as the national spokesperson of Grapefruit. No, this isn't part of some union obligation, it just kinda happened." -Squashy Grapefruit

When Squashy Grapefruit and I interviewed for the title of national grapefruit spokesperson, he won by a long shot, but that didn't discourage me, after all, I did create him.  Actually, I won 3rd place after Richard Skinner took 2nd.  I knew competition was tough, even my Grapefruit Anthem wasn't enough to move me up in the ranks.  I realized I was qualified for the position after it seemed everybody I knew with a Grapefruit tree had been willing to give me fruit for free.  This made me feel that grapefruit must be under-appreciated in the fruit kingdom, but I was wrong.  What I figured out, is that Grapefruit is among the most powerful fruits and is well respected in the fruit kingdom, it's just that most humans have not realized its power.  While other fruits like persimmons and oranges may be "sweeter" or "easier to eat" my scientific/ non scientific research has brought me to the conclusion that Grapefruit are superior to other fruits in the sense that they are "over-satisfying" since Grapefruit offers more nutritional information than human taste facilities can handle readily.  I should also mention that Squashy Grapefruit has a vendetta against the pharmaceutical industry, and will actually cause harm to people taking certain medications, such as those for high blood pressure. Grapefruit cures everything anyways, so you won't need them.  It also amps up your metabolism. The preceding statements are not authorized by Dr. Dre.
grapefruit tree fence
"Forget location, real estate is all about Grapefruit! Did you know that houses with grapefruit trees sell for 24% higher than those without them?" -Squashy
I recently acquired enough Grapefruit to make a 5X10 Grapefruit matrix.  The larger ones were from a fertilized tree, while the smaller ones all natural.  The difference in taste is noticeable, the fertilized aren't as strong, which may actually be a good thing for people with those taste preferences.  As far as I'm concerned, if my grapefruit don't leave my lips with a burning tingling sensation, they are not up to par!!! Yellow ones are the best. Don't get grapefruit confused with pomello, they are the evolutionary predecessor, and aren't as juicy or tasty.
5x10 grapefruit matrix
This matrix goes very well with the Grapefruit triple integral I made a while back.  Yeah, I know, they've been teaching me a lot of fancy pants math at the Foundry Academy, but even grapefruits didn't have to be taught differential calculus to know how to grow properly!
grapefruit triple integral
Grapefruit hedge: keep nosy neighbors away and enjoy delicious fruit! All while maximizing use of your square footage!
Just expect to see Squashy Grapefruit around here more often, he thinks he's taking over the website. At least for the season... Right now.
squashy grapefruit on
Squashy Grapefruit, Certified "Real-tor" and website design architect. 3rd largest land owner of the subtropical region.

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